Thursday, July 30, 2009


I need to update this blog. Badly. Updates are coming, as soon as I have room to breathe.

Shut the hell up, I know that I'm actually breathing because I'm not dead.

I'll update as soon as I can.

Also, I probably shouldn't tell any readers I have to shut the hell up. I hear it is bad form.

More to come on this later.

Friday, July 10, 2009

My car had a midlife crisis and so can you!

So my car broke down yesterday.

I know, I know. I accept your gratuitous and completely unnecessary apologies because they are a form of attention, but don't grovel too long, POOMSOSA, I have important shit to tell you guys about.

Except by important I mean ridiculous and frivolous.

You know what a really cool word is? Frivolity. Seriously, say it a few times. It'll put a smile on your face.


I really need to stop getting distracted by random carp.... I totally just meant to type crap. I think that typo is funny so I'm leaving it there. Yeah.

Okay, so my car broke down on the way to musical rehearsal yesterday. In the middle of no where. Near Sunset. In Texas. Also, I had three other people in the car.


So this is how it went down. I have Matt, Carrie and Ashleigh in the car with me, and we're cruising along. I'm passing people, people are passing me. Old people are smiling pleasantly and waving from the porches on their farm houses. Okay, I made that last part up, but we'll just say I'm taking artistic license with reality. My car is having absolutely no problem.... UNTIL THERE IS AN EIGHTEEN WHEELER BEHIND ME AND TO MY RIGHT SO I CAN'T REALLY GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT FEAR OF DYING.

I'm not even making this shit up, guys. It's like we were cruising along and my van decided to have a midlife crisis when faced with bigger vehicles than it. Seriously. The trucks are all "I AM A HUGE HUNK OF METAL AND DEATH AND I AM GOING EIGHTY AROUND YOU!"


AKA I tried accelerating to not die via eighteen wheeler, and my van SLOWED DOWN, which is not the point of stepping on the gas pedal.

Luckily I am intelligent (read: this shit has happened to me before), so I immediately put my flashers on so the truck behind me would BACK THE HELL OFF slow down(seriously, he was tailgating the crap out of me. Except his truck was so big that it was more like he was top of the van gating me. If you just thought "top of the morning to ye" you are a BA because I totally thought the same thing. Go us). Luckily he did, and the truck on the side of me took off like a rocket, and I somehow maneuvered my car to the side of the highway even though my rear view mirror also fell off, so I couldn't really see behind me unless I was looking in the side mirrors.

So yeah. I'm on the side of the road. In the middle of no where. Okay, I was only like 10 minutes or so from Sweetwater, but who's counting?

So basically I called Triple A, and they were all "We're sending someone to come tow your van to Sweetwater. They should be there in about 40 minutes " and I was all "Okay awesome."

Except they only take two people in the two trucks because the cab in them is really tiny, so the musical director was a complete bad ass (aka awesome person of wonders) and came and picked Carrie and Matt up. She also let me tow the van to her parents shop.

So Ashleigh and I are sitting on the side of the road in eleventy billion degree weather because Texas has to be an asshole and be really hot all the time in summer (which probably shouldn't come as a surprise for me because I've lived here my entire life) and we're all "Wow. It's really hot."

Luckily I had a 36 pack of water in the back of my van for no apparent reason. I also had soup and bunch of other random food items, a chair, a lap desk, a table, and a trunk. So if we would have been stranded for real we could have gone all MacGuyver and not died. Go me.

Anyway, I got the bright idea to take some pictures because I figured the blog could use some visual stimulation other than black and white text.

To make a much longer story shorter, the tow truck showed up about an hour later than it was supposed to, and the driver (Billy) talked about fishing the whole way back. It was awesome because I actually knew what I was talking about, and Ashleigh was sitting next to me with this "WTF how do you know anything about fishing" look on her face. And I was all "Bitch I lived in a small town of course I know how to fish. It's Texas law. Represent."

Except not really because I was too busy discussing the fine points of catching flatheads and bluecats. Hell yeah.

Luckily I'm safe and sound at home (and I even made it to rehearsal and back), and the musical director's, step-father's mechanic for their tire shop looked at my van and said it was just the alternator, so I don't have to get a new car yet.

On a side note: I'm sorry I don't update this blog as much as I used to. Musical rehearsal started, so I'm busy with that and work and research. Also, my computer got a Trojan last week, and I only just now got rid of it.

Does anyone else find it ironic that Trojan's are the bane of computer existence, but they keep people from having babies all the time?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I am a liar, but at least I am providing a public service.

Yes, I am a liar.

I figured I might want to clear the air with that before I wrote an actual post.

I am fully aware I said I was going to post Monday, Wednesday and Friday of every week. I am fully aware that I lied about this.

It happens.

I also get easily distracted by lots of things.

Moving on:


I understand he died. Yes. It's sad. Boo hoo.

Now that we have that moment over, I'd like to ask everyone to GET OVER IT!

If I hear one more cry of "MJ COME BACK TO US BAAAAAAAAAAAAW" or another utterance of "MJ isn't really dead. He's with Elvis", I think I might give myself a surprise tracheotomy.

Except I don't know how it would be a surprise, considering I would know I was doing it. Well, it could be a surprise if I suddenly gained a split personality and had my other self stab this self in the trachea.

I am thinking too much into this matter.

Seriously, everyone, calm the hell down about MJ. There is a whole bunch of other stuff going on in the world besides his death. Seriously guys. Iran is still there. Their problems didn't just go away because Michael Jackson died. Let's get back to the issues of the world. It's not like his death should blind us from that fact.


Oh my God.

This is all a plot to make Americans unaware of world matters. Seriously. That's why Michael Jackson is "dead". He was like, 500 bajilion dollars in debt when he died. I bet you the government paid him to die and cause a huge media frenzy on EVERY TV SHOW EVER so we would forget about everything else in the world! And then he would be out of debt and Obama could be all "anti-christ" and do whatever he wants! YAH!


I hope you all realize how retarded that sounds. Consider this post a public service to the world. I know, I'm too kind.

Feel free to shower me with praise.