Monday, March 29, 2010

ATTENTION DUELISTS

I hate Blogger, so I'm moving my further blog entries to ratedr4ridiculous.wordpress.com

:) I hope any readers I have will continue over there.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Apologies.

So I didn't update yesterday. I got super busy. In fact, I should be memorizing lines for the show I am in that opens next Friday and doing homework that is due tomorrow, but I love you all so much that I am here updating instead.


To be completely honest, I am extremely exhausted emotionally and physically right now, and I cannot think of anything funny to say. I am really sorry to anyone who reads that is wondering why I am suddenly not funny. I just do not want to post something that is not amusing to me, and I certainly do not want to whine in my blog. At least, not overly much. That is just annoying.

INTERRUPTION: This conversation just happened in my house two seconds ago.

Amber: Sir Peen's getting a little limp over there. I think he has ED
KRB: Maybe he needs some Viagra

Yeah. My roomates are the best.

Right. So I am going to go sleep now, so I can get up and do homework in the morning. Ugh.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Majora's Mask of the Zelda series was probably named after a girls naughty bits.

I AM BACK AFTER A WEEKEND OF FUN AND BLISS, POOMSOSA!

I know, I know. You are all thrilled that I am updating again. Give me a minute to bask in your praise and adoration.

Okay. Moment over.

So stuff that has happened in my life recently:

1. I still have not heard about call backs. It is driving me up a wall.
2. I decided to start exercising because it is kind a good thing. All I have to say about this is "FUCKING OUCH!"
3. OLYMPICS ARE ON! YAYAYAYAYAY! I <3 Figure Skating and Downhill Snow Boarding
4. I got the second webcomic up. I linked it in the previous sentence. Also,  I am pretty sure this is going to be a once a week venture until I get faster/better at drawing.

I think that is just about all that is going on of importance of my life right now.Woohoo.

So now back to serious business. The other day I was watching my television, and I see this commercial for a birth control pill. Now normally I just ignore these ads because I hate commercials, but this one was different. It was special....

education. 

Yeah. So basically the premise of this ad (other than BUY THIS BIRTH CONTROL KTHX) was that it would stop you from having a needless period. It basically posited that periods are pointless and have no purpose.

CAN I GET AN AMEN FROM ALL THE LADIES IN THE ROOM BECAUSE THIS STATEMENT IS ENTIRELY TRUE GAIS! ALL PERIODS DO IS MAKE YOU VULNERABLE TO CREATING DEMON SPAWN AND GETTING PREGGERS.

This is completely true. I once heard this girl decided not to take period blocking birth control, and her uterine lining turned into duck fetuses....fetii.. fetusi?..... I have no idea what the plural of fetus is, but the point is that this girl had a uterus made of immature duck babies. Yeah. ALSO, her labia majora turned into calcium carbonate eggs. So basically her entire reproductive tract was a duck egg. And instead of getting yeast infections, she got yolk infections, which is gross be cause albumin has no business being in a human vagina ever.

Also, sex was out of question for her because eggs are fragile. This gives a whole new meaning to "smashing"  a girl.

Smashing means having sex with, for anyone who does not know. Because I did not, and I had to look it up on Urban Dictionary, which was a mistake because that place is almost as bad as 4chan.

Oh. Ashleigh and I were wondering if the Zelda game Majora's Mask was named after the Labia Majora. Because Zelda is totally a vagina like that, if you catch my drift (think four letter offensive term for vagina starting with a C). If anyone has an answer to this question, please let me know.

Alright, alright, alright, IN ALL SERIOUSNESS: I would like to point out/rant that THEIR CLAIMS ARE NOT TRUE. As annoying/painful as having a period might seem, they are a necessary part of a woman's body/life/metabolic cycle. I am completely serious for once in this blog/my life. If a woman does not have her period for long enough, her hormone cycle gets messed up, and it can lead to cancer, anemia, etc. Also, if this trend continues for too long it severely effects bone density and increases the chance of severe osteoporosis more than ten fold.

 I have a definite problem with this commercial saying that a woman does not need her period, and I think the FDA needs to make them quit that.

So yeah. Serious moment.

Oh, did I mention that not having a period turns your uterine lining into live duck fetuses? Yeah. That is totally a scientific fact.

Alright. SRS BZNS over.

I am not very funny today. My apologies.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Shorts posts are short

So I really did not do a very good job of updating last week, but stuff happens.

Haha. I just wanted to post to let anyone who reads my blog know that I have decided  to TENTATIVELY, let me say that again, TENTATIVELY, TENTATIVELY  try to post  every Monday-Thursday. Maybe Friday. Yeah. It will probably just end up being whenever something really random happens. 




Alright. I think that is all I really have to say. I am going to go work on Rated R for Ridiculous now. Have an excellent weekend, and if you really need to talk to me, or share some kind of story, etc. , you can always email me or something.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Science has made me morally powerful and so can you! (This is only slightly a lie and by slightly I mean COMPLETELY).

Alright, so this blog post is coming WAAAAAY earlier in the day than I normally would post it because I pulled an all-nighter and am going to need to go to bed early tonight. Coincidentally this means the release of the new strip in Rated R for Ridiculous is going to have to be delayed for an unspecified amount of time. Sorry about that, but I kind have to pass my classes, and studying is an important part of that. Which is ironic because I am totally procrastinating from studying right now to write this blog post. GO ME!


Right.....


So yesterday evening/this morning/ some obscure time that is difficult to pin point and properly convey because of extreme sleep deprivation, when I was pulling an all-nighter studying for my Neurobiology test, I definitely typed the term "spontaneous abortion" in a legitimate sense. Yes. LEGITIMATE. You read that right POOMSOSA.

Now, this probably sounds extremely far-fetched to you all, given my propensity for being horrendously inappropriate and non-PC (if you think that means that I am a mac user/lover, GTFO my blog before I surprise tracheotomy you with a subsequent and complementary retina stabbing as a gift to your opening and account with my bank of pain).

Wow. I forgot how good it felt to emptily-threaten bodily harm. I think this might be the five hour energy/sleep deprivation/common depravity that I have speaking.

Right. Back on topic.

So yes. That occurrence made me realize just how morbid my future career in Biology is going to be. Provided I actually have a career in Biology. I mean, we biologists talk about this kinda stuff all the time.

Hell, we talk about all sorts of other terrible shit. Even better? We are totally encouraged and allowed to because it is in the name of science. Supposedly. I am a little vague on these details.

What this made me realize/assume/ consider taking advantage of is that I have the power to say pretty much whatever I want, and when people are all "WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS THE MOST TERRIBLE THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. GTFO MY EARTH NAOW KTHXBAI" I can simply smile indulgently and say "Oh. No it is not. I was talking about it in a scientific sense. FUCKING BOOYA"  I may not add that last part in there. This is a work in progress.

But it is basically like BAM: Instant protection from anger. Unless, of course, I am talking to another scientist (or someone who knows  about the subject we are discussing) in which case we have to have a  sciencey dominance fight to see  who gets to claim to be the superior scientist and thus is not in the wrong. To do this, I am definitely proposing that, as Biologists, we engage in the ancient snail technique of penis fencing. Of course, snails do this to decide which snail is the male and which is the female in mating (or just to choose a mate in general), but choosing mates and establishing dominance in intelligence are basically the same thing. Because if you do not know what you are doing, your chances of successful reproduction are slim at best.

Also, I know I do not have penis, but I can get a strap on or something. I am totally game for that if it means that I can establish my science knowledge dominance.

Not that I need a penis for that. Shit. I am getting myself all sorts of confused here. Please do not take this as a MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE STICK GENITALS RATHER THAN GAPING ABYSMAL CHASM GENITALS because that is NOT WHAT I AM SAYING.

I just thought penis fencing would be funny.

Dammit. Now I am offending even myself. I need sleep.

Buuuuut I will not sleep yet because I feel this need to make up for my past few lame posts.

OOH! This just in: An IM conversation that happened with my first friend ever (and coincidentally the only other bestie I have on par with Ashtard).

Baki: I have warmth in my belly *o*
Me: ......
Baki: Food xDD
Me: Why do I automatically associate that with orgasm? I am fucked up
Baki: lmaoooo
Me: Curse my roomate for her corruption of my mind.
Baki: Your poking is that powerful.
Me: .......THE FUCK?
Baki: rofl
Me: lolz
Baki: My city on this game is Pokedextrous. It's like Ambidextrous, but with more balls.

I have no idea why my blog seems to revolve around talk of genitals/sexual reproduction/ gross things all of a sudden considering I am pretty much the least sexual being ever AKA The Eighth Asexual wonder of the world.
 I think I am just going to act like the stereotypical minority case and blame society, (AKA because my Roomate and friends who call me Injun all the time because they are FUCKING INCONSIDERATE like that. I do not go around calling them PAPER WHITE CRACKER or whatever white racial slur applies. I am bad at creative racial slurs in general. Which is probably a good thing.) Because clearly ALL minorities do this (and by all I mean not all. I am not that much of a chauvinistic racist and hopefully never will be.)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I really hoped I would never hear dolphin and ball gag in the same sentence, but that hope was dashed tonight.

Oh my God. I AM SO FREAKING BUSY. It is complete and utter bullshit.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW I know.

Alright. So basically I should be studying for a big Neurobiology test I have tomorrow, but I am writing this blog post instead. FEEL PRIVILEGED.

Okay. So this weekend. So basically I was at home this weekend by myself. I thought this would be okay, considering, you know, I could sleep in late without worrying about my roomates waking me up for something.

FUCKING FALSE. Apparently the baseball field near my apartment decided that blaring RAP MUSIC at EIGHT IN THE MORNING was a good idea. Just FYI, it is NOT. Fuck you baseball field.

So then they finally shut the hell up and stop blaring music, and my Chinese roomate SETS THE FIRE ALARM OFF RIGHT WHEN I FALL BACK TO SLEEP.

ARGH ARGH ARGH AARRRRRGH with a side of FUCK.

So that was the majority of my Saturday. And by majority I mean minority. In all reality my Saturday was boring. Actually, so was my whole weekend.  My audition did go well. So hopefully I will get a call back. Hopefully.

Hold on. This just in:

Conversation that just occurred in my house:

Me: Ugh. Brain is not working and will not let me write a post.
Eric: Oh. Well you could write about how sexy I am.
Me: Yeah. No. I do not think so.
Eric: *RANDOM Change of subject* WHAT IS THAT?
Ashleigh: It's a bear, doing a dolphin from behind with a ball gag in its mouth. Sexy.

I really do not know why they are looking at animal porn. In fact. I did not even want to know what they were gasping at.

Hmmmkay.

OH! Right. So today I taught lab. And while I was teaching lab, my boss came in and was looking at the mold cultures we have, and was all "OH NO! Why did these get shaken up. They are not supposed to be shaken up."

My response?

"Oh. We were having a mold fiesta and those cultures were our maracas."

I do not think that my boss was very pleased. I got some chuckles from the students though.

Oh. And then. AND THEN. I look up and there is a GIANT fly head model staring down at me from one of the cabinets. No bueno. Absolutely no bueno.

Yeah. I think I am going to go and study for my test.

I will try and be more entertaining tomorrow.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

This post is going to suck mostly because its 1:42 and I need sleep but I also need to update

I think the title of this blogpost pretty much says it all. I got really busy studying/superbowling/screaming at the TV/ working on my webcomic and completely slacked off on writing the most for tonight.

Yeah. So basically there will be two posts for today/tomorrow/whatever day this post gets classified as.

I promise lots ridiculous insanity is on the way when I recount the events of my weekend. I just do not have the capacity to relay it right now.

The only significant news I really can convey is that I FINALLY have the first comic in my webcomic up.

I found a really neat webcomic hosting place. You can find my comic here.

The strip is called Rated R for Ridiculous. Har har, I know I am amazing.

Also what the ell there is a creepy moving plasticized humanoid robot with a vacuum as a penis. In fact, he just called it his groinal socket. Apparently he can attach hedge clippers too. I am fucking confused and mortified. Alright. Time for sleeping now.