Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Science has made me morally powerful and so can you! (This is only slightly a lie and by slightly I mean COMPLETELY).

Alright, so this blog post is coming WAAAAAY earlier in the day than I normally would post it because I pulled an all-nighter and am going to need to go to bed early tonight. Coincidentally this means the release of the new strip in Rated R for Ridiculous is going to have to be delayed for an unspecified amount of time. Sorry about that, but I kind have to pass my classes, and studying is an important part of that. Which is ironic because I am totally procrastinating from studying right now to write this blog post. GO ME!


So yesterday evening/this morning/ some obscure time that is difficult to pin point and properly convey because of extreme sleep deprivation, when I was pulling an all-nighter studying for my Neurobiology test, I definitely typed the term "spontaneous abortion" in a legitimate sense. Yes. LEGITIMATE. You read that right POOMSOSA.

Now, this probably sounds extremely far-fetched to you all, given my propensity for being horrendously inappropriate and non-PC (if you think that means that I am a mac user/lover, GTFO my blog before I surprise tracheotomy you with a subsequent and complementary retina stabbing as a gift to your opening and account with my bank of pain).

Wow. I forgot how good it felt to emptily-threaten bodily harm. I think this might be the five hour energy/sleep deprivation/common depravity that I have speaking.

Right. Back on topic.

So yes. That occurrence made me realize just how morbid my future career in Biology is going to be. Provided I actually have a career in Biology. I mean, we biologists talk about this kinda stuff all the time.

Hell, we talk about all sorts of other terrible shit. Even better? We are totally encouraged and allowed to because it is in the name of science. Supposedly. I am a little vague on these details.

What this made me realize/assume/ consider taking advantage of is that I have the power to say pretty much whatever I want, and when people are all "WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS THE MOST TERRIBLE THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. GTFO MY EARTH NAOW KTHXBAI" I can simply smile indulgently and say "Oh. No it is not. I was talking about it in a scientific sense. FUCKING BOOYA"  I may not add that last part in there. This is a work in progress.

But it is basically like BAM: Instant protection from anger. Unless, of course, I am talking to another scientist (or someone who knows  about the subject we are discussing) in which case we have to have a  sciencey dominance fight to see  who gets to claim to be the superior scientist and thus is not in the wrong. To do this, I am definitely proposing that, as Biologists, we engage in the ancient snail technique of penis fencing. Of course, snails do this to decide which snail is the male and which is the female in mating (or just to choose a mate in general), but choosing mates and establishing dominance in intelligence are basically the same thing. Because if you do not know what you are doing, your chances of successful reproduction are slim at best.

Also, I know I do not have penis, but I can get a strap on or something. I am totally game for that if it means that I can establish my science knowledge dominance.

Not that I need a penis for that. Shit. I am getting myself all sorts of confused here. Please do not take this as a MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE STICK GENITALS RATHER THAN GAPING ABYSMAL CHASM GENITALS because that is NOT WHAT I AM SAYING.

I just thought penis fencing would be funny.

Dammit. Now I am offending even myself. I need sleep.

Buuuuut I will not sleep yet because I feel this need to make up for my past few lame posts.

OOH! This just in: An IM conversation that happened with my first friend ever (and coincidentally the only other bestie I have on par with Ashtard).

Baki: I have warmth in my belly *o*
Me: ......
Baki: Food xDD
Me: Why do I automatically associate that with orgasm? I am fucked up
Baki: lmaoooo
Me: Curse my roomate for her corruption of my mind.
Baki: Your poking is that powerful.
Me: .......THE FUCK?
Baki: rofl
Me: lolz
Baki: My city on this game is Pokedextrous. It's like Ambidextrous, but with more balls.

I have no idea why my blog seems to revolve around talk of genitals/sexual reproduction/ gross things all of a sudden considering I am pretty much the least sexual being ever AKA The Eighth Asexual wonder of the world.
 I think I am just going to act like the stereotypical minority case and blame society, (AKA because my Roomate and friends who call me Injun all the time because they are FUCKING INCONSIDERATE like that. I do not go around calling them PAPER WHITE CRACKER or whatever white racial slur applies. I am bad at creative racial slurs in general. Which is probably a good thing.) Because clearly ALL minorities do this (and by all I mean not all. I am not that much of a chauvinistic racist and hopefully never will be.)


Amilayne said...

Foodgasms are awesome and amazing, so associating food with orgasms really isn't that weird (to me, atleast). From a scientific perspective (speculatively), tasty food most likely causes the realise of the same feel-good chemicals that would be generated by an orgasm. So, from your biology point-of-view, it is still not weird.

<3 food

Amilayne said...

causes the release* of

Shakes McGee said...

Sex organs are funny. Period. Do not question your use of them. It may be that only ten-year-old boys laugh out loud, but we all laugh on the inside when someone says the word penis.

And you could just penis fence by building a fence out of dildos. Why must it always devolve into violence?

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