Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Beauty should be rated on a scale of One to Vagina

Actual quote from my apartment not two seconds ago:

Tv: "I'm a Christian. I'm a Jew. In case you couldn't tell."

Me: BAHAAHAHA

Ashleigh: "Are you laughing about the Jew commercial?"

Me: "What else would I be laughing at?"

I think I might be slightly a terrible person. But, just to clarify, I am not an anti-Semite. I am pro-Semite. It comes with the whole loving Jesus thing, cause He loves everyone, and is also Jewish.

I just think that the term "Jew" is hilarious.

Riiiiight.

So today has been a very genital-esque day. I never thought I would be able to describe a day in my life with that term, but it is entirely true.
Why has my day been genital-esque, you ask? Do not worry POOMSOSA. I will tell you.
Firstly, I was linked to this site .
Go look. I will wait.

….

FUCKING. VULVA. NECKLACES.
You are not imagining what you just saw. Coincidentally, you cannot un-see that image either. So, I guess sorry about that.


“Each piece is an original, one of a kind hand sculpted image of its owner to remind her that regardless of what the world and the people in it may tell her: she is beautiful.”


WHO ACTUALLY THINKS THAT? I mean, can you imagine POOMSOSA?
“Excuse me sir, can you rate this woman’s beauty on a rank of 1 to Vagina, where 1 is hideous, and vagina is smoking hot?

I think this should be the new Miss America Scale. I think I will be

Also, LOL another conversation from like two seconds ago:

Kristin: “Whatever. You’re a faggot for wanting to get a vagina necklace.”

Amber: “It’s not just any vagina, it’s MY vagina.”

Kristin: “Whatever you perv. What do you do, get down there and take a mold of your vagina.”

Amber: “No. You send them pictures and they design it from that.”

Kristin: “Yeah I bet it is a bunch of perverts looking at vagina pictures.”

Amber: “No. I’m sure it’s a completely respectable establishment.”


Also, try this awesomeness on for size.

Yes. They did. They have a UTERUS PILLOW. Fucking awesome.

AND OOOH! OOH! LET US PLAY SPOT THE RACISM:

“Worried that your uterus is too small? Wow them the next time you go to the gynecologist, be the envy of all of your peers. Why is this Spanish woman so happy? Just look at the size of her uterus! Order now and see instant results! All that and a money back guarantee!”
I gave you a little hint. Just in case.

Okay. So those random, disgusting, and shocking links aside, here are some things that have been happening in my life lately.

A)I bought a new TV! IT is awesome! I love it!
B)I HAVE A NEW PET! His name is Sir Peen. Here is a picture of him:

C)School is still terrible.
D)I need to stop writing this and work on my webcomic.

Right. I think I am done for the day. See you all tomorrow.
Well. I will not really see you because I cannot see through the screen. But whatever.

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

Mono Victim again -- Um, wow. I, uh, hmmm. I read all of your archive posts yesterday. I thought I was prepared for a new one. I was so wrong. I don't think I have ever been more wrong. About anything.

I am pretty sure I will dream about those attacking me tonight. (The vajayjays, not the jews.) I hope that doesn't make me a lesbian as I personally like the peen (sp?). But, if that happens, I am totally holding you responsible. Which means you will have to become my girlfriend.

I bet you are now wishing you had thought that post through a little more.

Jennifer said...

Oh, by the way, I LOVE Sir Peen. You are awesome! And as I see by his name, I did spell that right in my last comment.

Subatomic Tomato said...

HURRAY! You came back! That means I did not scare you off. Hahah. Glad I could provide more entertainment and a distinct lack of what to expect.

In case you have not noticed, I am slightly insane.

I, too, prefer the peen when I am not busy asexually budding and creating an army of me to take over the moon. So, I guess in retrospect that I wish I had thought that post through a little more.

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