Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I AM CLASSY

POOOMMMSSSOOOOSSSAAAAAA

I am back with a new blog post FOUR DAYS AFTER MY LAST ONE!
Be proud of me or perish!

Right. Moving on.

So, it is a new year! We all know this.

That is why I bring you…..

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION 2010! (cue dramatic music)
I think that I have finally come up with a realistic resolution that I can adhere to.

What is my resolution, you ask?

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION 2010: STOP USING CONTRACTIONS WHEN I WRITE THINGS.

Now, I know what you are thinking POOMSOSA:

“But Amber, you are inherently lazy, and contractions are the lazy route. Why would you not use them?”

I, being the infinitely awesome person that I am, have an answer for you:

I WILL NOT USE CONTRACTIONS, SO THAT I WILL BE MORE CLASSY!

Which brings me to NEW YEAR RESOLUTION 2010 NUMBER TWO:

Be more inherently classy!

(Dear Eric, if you comment on my blog and tell me that I cannot be more inherently classy like you just did when you were screen watching me on my couch, I will stab you in the trachea. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST! Also, lol, I totally wrote “ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR CHRIST at first cause I was thinking about myself and my subconscious apparently thinks I am Jesus. I am a total narcissist.)

I guess that being inherently more classy means I need to cut down on how much I swear, but if that is the price I must pay, then SO BE IT. CLASSY-NESS (and auto-searching word for curse words) IS IN MY FUTURE!

YEEEEEES

Right.

So other life happenings:

--I am officially back at school for the semester (which does not actually start until January 11th)

--Rehearsals for the Murder Mystery start on Sunday. I am "TEH EXCITEDSZORS"

--MY BESTIE IS MOVING IN WITH ME FOR THE SEMESTER! I think I will soon be losing Wendy, my other roomate who I think is terrified of me anyway because this is her first time in America, and I am pretty sure that I am the loudest American ever, and that Ashleigh (my bestie) is the second loudest American ever.

AND LOL I FOUND A BLOG THAT I WROTE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Tracheotomy

HAHAHAHAH! I MADE MYSELF ROFL EVEN BACK THEN.
CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME

Okay, now that I have that out of my system, here is a little info on this blog:

It was called Idiot Deatomizer, and completely explains why I could not register this blog domain as subatomictomato.blogspot.com . I decided that most of the posts were really embarrassing and deleted all of them, but in my quest for attention and laughs, I decided to take the post that made me rofl really hard and put it on here as an insight for you all into my high school mind.



The act of doing this will make this post really long, so feel free to stop reading right now.

Also, I was apparently a lot more violent and a lot more angry at the world back then. So proceed with caution and the knowledge that I would never actually kill anyone unless it was in self-defense. So without further ado, here is a post from Idiot Deatomizer:










….HAHA GOTCHA!










Okay, here is the old post, for real this time.









….HAHA GOTCHA AGAIN!

Okay, here is the post for real.

Imagine this:

You are walking down the street, minding your own business, when you see a little old lady walking up a hill, pushing this REALLY shopping cart. What do you do?

A) Laugh and point and do nothing.
B) Laugh and point and then push her back down the hill.
C) Laugh and point and imitate her.
D) Actually grow some courage and go help the old lady.

If you picked A... You are stupid
If you Picked B... You are still stupid... Wait.... Hold on a second. Phone call.

It is Jesus.

Jesus uses smite button and hits Idiot for 15,624 points of damage.
Idiot was defeated by Jesus.

(If you do not get the reference, I would advise you to kindly stop using the internet.)

I you picked C... I hear there is a killer freak show coming to town. I bet you could kill their performing monkey and replace him. You have the talent.

If you picked D... You have obviously taken some kind of drugs or you might actually be some type of a good person. Congratulations.

Seriously. It is called COMMON COURTESY people. No, that is not some kind of disease.

Here, let me attempt to educate you "hoods" (as you insist on being called) for a second.

com•mon ( P ) (kmn)adj. com•mon•er, com•mon•est
Occurring frequently or habitually; usual.

cour•te•sy ( P ) (kûrt-s)n. pl. cour•te•sies
A. Polite behavior.
B. A polite gesture or remark.

Put two and two together and you might actually have some form of dignity.

I am sure you have a hard life. I am sure everyone is out to get you.

But hey, guess what.... I bet people would like you more if you actually cared about someone else. Maybe they might even help you.

Now I am not saying be a doormat or anything. By all means, do not do that. You might catch some nasty STD or something...

But if you see an old lady pushing three times her weight up a hill, help her.

No, I am not the nicest person in the world. No, I do not like people. Yes, I am fond of being cruel to them in text or verbal based ways.

You want to know the difference between me and a psychopath killer?

I do stuff for other people, occasionally. And no, that does not include murdering them to put them out of their misery.

You know those hobos out on the street? Yeah, guess what, not all of them are lazy bozos who do not want to get a job. Some of them have excuses. Like...well... low minimum wage. Some homeless people even have jobs. They are not just there to drain the welfare system, and they are not there to irritate you.

NEWSFLASH: Other people live in this world too.

NEWSFLASH: You have to live on this world with those other people.

It would make things a hell of a lot easier if people just decided to help others every once in a while. But it is like people have this ungodly allergic reaction to the little verb known as "help".

Here is an example:

OMGOMGOMG! YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO HELP THAT INVALID? WHY CAN HE NOT JUST GET UNPARALZYED AND FEED HIMSELF! GOD! DRAIN ON THE ECONOMYBLAHBLAHBLAH.....

And then little Cindy is hit by a bus and becomes an invalid herself. And guess what? NO ONE HELPS HER EITHER.She then becomes an invalid and dies of starvation.

KARMA IS A BITCH, IS IT NOT?

So next time you have the urge to laugh at some unfortunate other being, put yourself in their shoes... and then beat yourself with a courtesy manual.



No comments:

Post a Comment