Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Normal blog titles, I am capable of them! BWAHAH!

Right, so Merry Christmas to whoever reads my drabbles on here. Bwahaha.

Now on to more important matters.

So imagine this, POOMSOSA:

You (and by you I mean me, of course) are creating a profile on MSN. You go to type Velociraptor into your interest box and quickly become enraged that it is not in the Mozilla Firefox auto-correct (MFAC) dictionary. (Side note: This WILL be rectified. I'm sending an email as soon as I'm done with this blog post)

Deciding to be smug and see what inferior term that MFAC suggests to correct the spelling, you right click and find this.

Yes. You read that right. Fucking Velocipedes.

TERROR ENSUES!

Except replace terror with awe and delight and the imaginings of a giant mutant centipede speeding around Earth, at my command, wreaking havoc and stealing candy from small children, and then you have the real picture.

Clearly, I am amused and excited.

Except THEN my jerk bag friend points out that Velocipedes are not centipedes on crack. They are not even MILLIPEDES (psh pansy non-poisonous inferior insects) that are faster than a speeding bullet.

OH no. Nothing that cool. Velocipedes are freaking NINETEENTH CENTURY BICYCLES!


Amber is NOT amused, ladies and gentlemen, not amused at all.

Firstly, whoever named "veloci"pedes CLEARLY knew nothing about the human language. I'm no Lance Armstrong, but I'm pretty sure those "velocipedes" are not fast at all. They look like they would have negative velocity going in the positive x direction.

This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time and slap someone with a frozen salmon, and then surprise tracheotomy them while simultaneously destroying their retinas.

AMBER MAD! AMBER SMASH!

Also, if you're looking for a secondly, I can't think of one. My bad.

Okay. Now that I'm off my soapbox, here's some stuff that's actually happening in my life:

1. I decided that I want to go into stem-cell research. Rest assured that you will be hearing about my research into grad schools and articles and stuff as I am amazed. (They already grew a trachea. This could come in handy with the amount of surprise tracheotomies I threaten to give on a daily basis.)

2. My best friend is visiting from California with my other new best friend Meg. YAY!

3. IT'S CHRISTMAS! JESUS WAS BORN TODAY HUZZAH!

Anyway, I think I'm done with this post. Go eat some last minute Christmas cookies and enjoy the rest of your holiday!

2 comments:

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I prefer giant dinosaur centipedes to old bicycles. We should get the scientists to work on that.

Subatomic Tomato said...

AAAAAAAAAAAUGH! I am so sorry that I haven't responded to your comment before this!

I agree, we need to get the scientists working on that. Maybe I'll decide against stem cell research and just work on that instead.

Life decisions are difficult.

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