Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mother Nature is a Pervert

So apparently you should not do this.

Go ahead, read it. It's AWESOME.



I can't even imagine having a PLASTIC OBJECT EMBEDDED IN MY FREAKING LUNG. I mean, how do you even inhale something that big? Wouldn't it like, slice your lung or something?

I mean, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that lung tissue is not, you know, made of STEEL or anything. I'm pretty sure it's all soft and fleshy, and tissue-y and stuff.

But I'm not expert.

And then! AND THEN! OH MY GOD! THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS FIGHT THE MAN, RIGHT FREAKING HERE: "'One doctor said they could remove my lung,' Manley said. 'I said no way. That was the easiest way for them, and I said I didn't think so.'"

See, this is how that conversation would have gone with me:

Me: "Seriously guys? Remove my lung that is mostly functioning instead of just removing the foreign object cause you don't really know how to do it? No way!"

Doctor: "I understand your anxiety, but this is a very delicate situation. Removing the entire lung would be a much easier alternative for us..."

Me: "Easier for you? What about you know, the FACT THAT I HAVE TO BREATHE?!"

Doctor: "Here. Let's cut a deal. You let us take your lung out because it is easier, and we'll let you keep it in a jar. We'll even put some of those googly eyes on it. You can keep it as a pet."

Me: "Can you give it raptor teeth?"

Doctor: "Yep."

ME:"DEAL! Let's do it!"

So God bless you, sir, for not letting them make a googly eyed raptor out of your lung.

So moral of the story: I'm not very good at fighting the man when it comes to raptors.


Right, so actual stuff that happened in my life.

This morning, in my Ecology class, my mild mannered professor decided to teach us about strange flowers.

I'm not going to lie, I wasn't really paying complete attention. I was trying to set the blinds on fire with my mind.

If you say that I'm insane, I swear I will cut your head off.

Right. So back to the part I'm not paying attention.

So I'm not paying attention, until all the sudden my peripheral hearing picks up on this gem:

"So this flower's common name is the Giant Penis flower.... Yeah, I know sorry.... Oh, and it smells rank too... The little girl in the picture is even holding her nose!"

I don't think you can imagine how awkward the room got right then.

Hell, I don't think I can imagine how awkward it got in the room, and I was there.

I think we should pair it with this flower thing. Then it'd be a party.

You can't tell me that Mother Nature isn't a pervert.

Oh, comments are highly appreciate, by the way.


Amilayne said...

XD lmao

gogo flowers

Joyce said...

you are insane

Subatomic Tomato said...

I like how I tell you all to comment and then I don't comment back! HURRAY HYPOCRISY!

@Amilayne: Haha. Yes. Flowers.
@Joyce: Did you not already know this?

Valaina said...

ok just trying to think of a logical reason why this dude would have a huck of plastic in his lung..... maybe he thought it was a piece of ice so he swallowed it???? except he sort of choked on it??? idk

Valaina said...

that's supposed to be hunk btw

Subatomic Tomato said...

Did you read the article? They came to the conclusion that he was gulping his drink, and that the drink went down the wrong pipe. Duh.

And lol spelling errors!

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