Friday, July 10, 2009

My car had a midlife crisis and so can you!

So my car broke down yesterday.

I know, I know. I accept your gratuitous and completely unnecessary apologies because they are a form of attention, but don't grovel too long, POOMSOSA, I have important shit to tell you guys about.

Except by important I mean ridiculous and frivolous.

You know what a really cool word is? Frivolity. Seriously, say it a few times. It'll put a smile on your face.

.....

I really need to stop getting distracted by random carp.... I totally just meant to type crap. I think that typo is funny so I'm leaving it there. Yeah.

Okay, so my car broke down on the way to musical rehearsal yesterday. In the middle of no where. Near Sunset. In Texas. Also, I had three other people in the car.

YAY ADVENTURES!

So this is how it went down. I have Matt, Carrie and Ashleigh in the car with me, and we're cruising along. I'm passing people, people are passing me. Old people are smiling pleasantly and waving from the porches on their farm houses. Okay, I made that last part up, but we'll just say I'm taking artistic license with reality. My car is having absolutely no problem.... UNTIL THERE IS AN EIGHTEEN WHEELER BEHIND ME AND TO MY RIGHT SO I CAN'T REALLY GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT FEAR OF DYING.

I'm not even making this shit up, guys. It's like we were cruising along and my van decided to have a midlife crisis when faced with bigger vehicles than it. Seriously. The trucks are all "I AM A HUGE HUNK OF METAL AND DEATH AND I AM GOING EIGHTY AROUND YOU!"

and my van is all "HAHA BITCHES I CAN KEEP UP! OH WAIT NO I CAN'T BECAUSE I AM SUFFERING AN IDENTITY CRISIS AND FORGOT I WAS A VEHICLE FULLY CAPABLE OF GOING EIGHTY, SO I AM GOING TO DEVOLVE INTO A SNAIL OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY BAD AT ACCELERATING AND NOT DYING!"

AKA I tried accelerating to not die via eighteen wheeler, and my van SLOWED DOWN, which is not the point of stepping on the gas pedal.

Luckily I am intelligent (read: this shit has happened to me before), so I immediately put my flashers on so the truck behind me would BACK THE HELL OFF slow down(seriously, he was tailgating the crap out of me. Except his truck was so big that it was more like he was top of the van gating me. If you just thought "top of the morning to ye" you are a BA because I totally thought the same thing. Go us). Luckily he did, and the truck on the side of me took off like a rocket, and I somehow maneuvered my car to the side of the highway even though my rear view mirror also fell off, so I couldn't really see behind me unless I was looking in the side mirrors.

So yeah. I'm on the side of the road. In the middle of no where. Okay, I was only like 10 minutes or so from Sweetwater, but who's counting?

So basically I called Triple A, and they were all "We're sending someone to come tow your van to Sweetwater. They should be there in about 40 minutes " and I was all "Okay awesome."

Except they only take two people in the two trucks because the cab in them is really tiny, so the musical director was a complete bad ass (aka awesome person of wonders) and came and picked Carrie and Matt up. She also let me tow the van to her parents shop.

So Ashleigh and I are sitting on the side of the road in eleventy billion degree weather because Texas has to be an asshole and be really hot all the time in summer (which probably shouldn't come as a surprise for me because I've lived here my entire life) and we're all "Wow. It's really hot."

Luckily I had a 36 pack of water in the back of my van for no apparent reason. I also had soup and bunch of other random food items, a chair, a lap desk, a table, and a trunk. So if we would have been stranded for real we could have gone all MacGuyver and not died. Go me.

Anyway, I got the bright idea to take some pictures because I figured the blog could use some visual stimulation other than black and white text.

To make a much longer story shorter, the tow truck showed up about an hour later than it was supposed to, and the driver (Billy) talked about fishing the whole way back. It was awesome because I actually knew what I was talking about, and Ashleigh was sitting next to me with this "WTF how do you know anything about fishing" look on her face. And I was all "Bitch I lived in a small town of course I know how to fish. It's Texas law. Represent."

Except not really because I was too busy discussing the fine points of catching flatheads and bluecats. Hell yeah.

Luckily I'm safe and sound at home (and I even made it to rehearsal and back), and the musical director's, step-father's mechanic for their tire shop looked at my van and said it was just the alternator, so I don't have to get a new car yet.


On a side note: I'm sorry I don't update this blog as much as I used to. Musical rehearsal started, so I'm busy with that and work and research. Also, my computer got a Trojan last week, and I only just now got rid of it.

Does anyone else find it ironic that Trojan's are the bane of computer existence, but they keep people from having babies all the time?

1 comment:

Amilayne said...

It comes from the Trojan horse way back when; its all about things in other things :D

...the blog wants you to post more frequently...it told me so *nods*

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