Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the Matrix and then I remember that I'm just addicted to the internet.

I'm going to level with you, POOMSOSA. As I sit here and try to write this blog,dying from the Bubonic Plague, (I swear to God if you bring up a Twilight reference I will cut your head off and put it on the mantle I don't have) I find that I can't think of anything to write. At all. Well, obviously that's not true because I'm actually sitting here typing stuff right now, so I'm thinking of something to write.

It just isn't interesting and/or about my life.

Bleh.

I guess I can just write about my internship and how that's going.

So I'm in this internship called the McNair Scholars Program. It's awesome. They pay me $2800 to do research and take some free classes (which are easy, and I get grades for so they help my GPA out WHOOP WHOOP!) and a bunch of other stuff.

Oh, I also found out they take you to a conference in Buffalo, NY, all expenses paid, to meet big wigs in our field and present our research and blah blah blah no GSB this time. It's awesome.

And I know what you're thinking POOMSOSA, "Wow! This is super awesome! CONGRATS!"

WRONG.

IT.WAS.A.TRAP.

And I can promise you, the scene was not pretty.

Here's how this information center went down:

McNair Director: So we're taking you to a conference to help you get your foot in the door with big wig PhD's in your field. Cool huh?

Amber: *stops everything she's doing and starts to listen, wondering how much this will cost*

McNair Director: *clearly has mind reading powers* And it won't cost you a thing! It's all free! Hurray!

Amber: *closes her laptop... Just kidding. I didn't actually do that. I would never.*

McNair Director: Oh, and hey, when we drive back down from the conference, we're going to take you to Cedar Point in Ohio! It's a totally awesome theme park!

Amber: BINGO!

McNair Director and everyone else: o.o

Amber: Sorry. I was having World War II flashbacks.

McNair Director and everyone else: o.o

Amber: And by World War II flashbacks I totally meant playing Bingo with my twice removed great-grandma. Her names Sydney. You'd really like her. She makes a mean Echidna pie.

McNair Director: o.o

Amber: I'm just going to shut up now. Carry on.

McNair Director: .....right. So not only do you get all those things, but we're also going to stay for three days in AMISH COUNTRY! It's going to be amazing! We're going to live like the Amish, and we'll even be staying with some really important people in their community.

Amber: HALLELUJAH JES--- Wait. What? Amish Country? Uhh... AWESOME!


POOMSOSA, does it make me a terrible person that the first thing I thought after hearing about the Amish country part of this trip was the fact that I would probably have no internet?

Based on that, I don't think I need to tell you that my enthusiasm was a lie. Even though I just did, so that sentence is pretty much pointless. Yeah.

Back on topic:
I CAN'T GO TO THE AMISH COUNTRY! I can't stay with pillar families of that community.

Firstly, they have wholesome morals which I probably don't share.

Secondly, they eat weird stuff. I'm a picky eater, and I don't want to insult the Amish people.

Thirdly, THEY HAVE NO TECHNOLOGY. I WILL DIE.

Fourthly, ANIMALS

Fiftly, THEY HAVE NO TECHNOLOGY!

Have I mentioned I would have no access to technology?

I mean, we'll get there and I'll be all "Hey, do you have internet?" and they'll be all "No we don't. This is Amish country. We're old fashioned. Duh." And then I'll die of a heart attack get over it because it would be rude to pretend to have a heart attack. Except I won't really believe them because, c'mon, who doesn't like the internet? If you say you don't I'll stab you in the trachea.

So then I'll spend my whole time there dodging having to milk cows and eat organically grown food, even though I'm sure their meals are all super nutritional. then I'm going to get into a fight with the Amish dad when he tells me to eat my green-beans, and they'll like, take me out to the woodshed or something like that. And then I'll be all OW! Fine, I'll eat the green beans. Then I'll secretly throw them out the window and they'll grow a magical beanstalk into the sky, but instead of a giant up there, it's going to be a Starbucks because Starbucks owns everything, but I won't really complain be cause they'll have WIFI.

Then the Amish people will chop the bean stalk down and I'll be all like Shit. I'm stuck up here in Starbucks land with no way back.

But hey, at least I'll have internet.

.....


I really am grateful for the trip.

But if you see something on CNN about a technology crazed lunatic that disappeared from Amish country, show someone this blog.

Yeah.

I blame all of this on Twitter.

5 comments:

Amilayne said...

1. Spider Monkey
2. Amish - first thing that pops into my mind (without even reading further): no internet/computer. Lol. Good luck with the technology withdrawal pains ^^

Subatomic Tomato said...

Hopefully my cellphone will still work so I can complain to the world-- I mean, uh, share my experiences on twitter.

Subatomic Tomato said...

Also, I'm going to go Highlander on your ass for the Twilight reference. Seriously.

Duncan MacLeod' coming for your head.

Holli said...

Moo I say. I also so say, what are you going to do when you grow up that involves yankees and amish people?

Subatomic Tomato said...

I have no idea. It's just some stuff they do for us because they want to. *shrug*

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