Monday, June 15, 2009

If a possum and a human ever have offspring, I'm going to prison.

So I had a rather uneventful day today. I woke up, and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and didn't go to the GRE prep class I was supposed to. Don't look at the screen that way. I'm not Wonder Woman, I can't lift an elephant off my chest. I mean, it would be totally freaking awesome if I could, but I haven't been blessed like that. also, I would never wear Wonder Woman's out fit. That thing looks like it chafes, and uhh, no thanks. Chafing is of the devil, and I'm a sweet little innocent ACU girl who would never consider wearing such revealing clothing.


.....

What?

So basically after I woke up I took a shower and talked to Kate who is a ho really good friend of mine. Kate, don't you dare get mad at that last joke if you find it. I'm joking.

So I talked to Kate and we decided to eat "supper" together, which I totally mocked her for because the instant she said it I imagined June Cleaver for some strange reason, and no one in their right mind uses supper anymore. Except people in backwater towns with one tooth named Bubba that are married to possums.

POOMSOSA, If that offends you I don't care am sorry. No possums were harmed in the making of that thought.

Probably.

So I sludged through the rest of my day, and eventually made it to "supper". Dammit, now I all can think of are rabid possums giving birth to human possum babies that take over the world.

That would be AWFUL! Can you imagine them trying to date someone? Because obviously they would be more human than possum because, duh, humans are soooo much more superior than possums.

Seriously, what if one of them tried to hit on me They'd be all "CHITTER CHITTER" and I'd be all "HEY! Posman, speak English! I don't speak possum." Yes, they're called Posman. Mostly be cause it looks like postman and that would be a hilarious mistake to make in everyday life.

So at first I'd be all wary of the relationship, but the Posman, we'll call him Jake, would be all charming and suave because he's had a rough life. And eventually I'll like, fall in love with him.

So we'd totally get married, and it would be the honey moon and I'd be all like "LET'S CONSUMMATE OUR MARRIAGE!" and he'd be all like "YEAH!" except when I walk over and go to be near him he'd get spooked by my shadow and play that possum dead thing. And then I'd be all "SHIT! He died" And try to give him CPR, and I'd accidentally kill him because I'd be so frantic, and then the police would show up and be like "MURDERER!" And I'd get thrown in jail and live the rest of my life behind bars because of the Posman's stupid possum side.


..... right. My day.

So I eventually went to dinner with Kate and dragged my friend Eric along. It was a nice dinner, except for the part where my asshole wonderful friend Eric told me they'd all ordered while I was on the phone with Harry Potter Daniel, Kate's fiance.

Then when the waitress came back I was all like "Hey, can I order" and she looked at me like I was the rudest person ever for asking that.

Which I totally understand. Except not really because that's her job, and I don't think I came across as rude when I asked it.

Anyway, we ate dinner and then I went home and watched CSI New York for like three hours, which is why I'm scrambling to finish this blog post because it's 11:52 and I want to post every day if I can. Except I can't think of anything else to write because I'm expecting policemen to bust into the scene and arrest me for murder. Grr.

....

I suddenly have a great hate for possums.

1 comment:

Kate said...

Lol! okay sorry it took me so long to post. I got distracted.

No I was not offended, but I think Jake is... why'd you have to go kill him?!

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